When I got married 8 years ago, I though my days of feeling like the crazy ex, or rather the ex who couldn't get the hint, were long gone. Yet oddly enough I have come to feel like this during my job search.
The story goes that while I was in Oregon, I received an insider tip about a job at a prestigious private school. It was near perfect, almost full time, English and Drama, in a school with students at the tippy top, and it was sooo close to home. So I interviewed and it seemed like things were locked in. The principal said he would take my name to the superintendent and get back to me. NO CALL for two days, so I call him, and he says that some things have come up that they need to work out, so be patient. OK. First of all I will say, patience is indeed a virtue, but it is not one of mine. However, I gave it until the following Monday. I left a message and called back at the end of the day when I received no call back. Can you see the crazy part?
But here is the thing, they started inservices on Monday. So I called again on Tuesday, but didn't leave a message. I called the school later to find out that no one would be in that day or the next because of inservices. So I leave things alone for the next day. Today, I called three different times. I left a message with the secretary, I called back, but the office was closed, so I tried his cell phone, and left a message asking very kindly, but insistently, for him to call me back.
I have to make one further divulgence to make my point, but hopefully it does not give too much away. So, this guy is a Christian. I am a Christian. Here's my thinking on this. One way or another, even if it was to say, "we are not decided yet," out of common courtesy, and decency, I expect him to call back. What's more is because he is a Christian, I expect at least common courtesy and decency, but instead, I'm left to feel like my first serious boyfriend has just started to avoid me for no reason at all.
The sad part is that I am desperate. This is our first month with no extra paycheck, and to everyone's surprise (I'm sure), EDD is in no hurry to determine my eligibility for unemployment. Just tack a $411.88 bill to the Vet onto the budget that was already over by $400, and you may know why I'm a little crazy. My cheese is slipping off my cracker in a Titanic fashion.
It makes it really hard to find inspiration. I know that I get way too much of my worth from work. What I don't know is what to do with that information in the absence of my job. Right now, I feel like I have no purpose, and I know that is not God's plan for my life. The Bible says "...Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah)..." - Colossians 3: 23-24 (http://www.heavensinspirations.com/work-unto-the-lord.html). Here's where I have the problem and maybe I have sold my family too short. I guess I need to try to remember this verse and concept when the house I clean gets turned upside down in minutes, the food I make gets little praise, and there is no pay. Is this the key to how I rest in The Lord? Will this bring satisfaction to my life? It's worth a try. I have a huge house to clean. Hmm.
So tomorrow I move forward, shamed, embarassed, disappointed in my fellow Christian, unemployed and uninspired...besides, my awesome blog would go bye-bye if I got a job, and apparently, "Heaven Forbids!"