Thursday, August 11, 2011

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

When I got married 8 years ago, I though my days of feeling like the crazy ex, or rather the ex who couldn't get the hint, were long gone.  Yet oddly enough I have come to feel like this during my job search.

The story goes that while I was in Oregon, I received an insider tip about a job at a prestigious private school.  It was near perfect, almost full time, English and Drama, in a school with students at the tippy top, and it was sooo close to home.  So I interviewed and it seemed like things were locked in.  The principal said he would take my name to the superintendent and get back to me.  NO CALL for two days, so I call him, and he says that some things have come up that they need to work out, so be patient.  OK.  First of all I will say, patience is indeed a virtue, but it is not one of mine.  However, I gave it until the following Monday.  I left a message and called back at the end of the day when I received no call back.  Can you see the crazy part?

But here is the thing, they started inservices on Monday.  So I called again on Tuesday, but  didn't leave a message.  I called the school later to find out that no one would be in that day or the next because of inservices.  So I leave things alone for the next day.  Today, I called three different times.  I left a message with the secretary, I called back, but the office was closed, so I tried his cell phone, and left a message asking very kindly, but insistently, for him to call me back.

I have to make one further divulgence to make my point, but hopefully it does not give too much away.  So, this guy is a Christian.  I am a Christian.  Here's my thinking on this.  One way or another, even if it was to say, "we are not decided yet," out of common courtesy, and decency, I expect him to call back.  What's more is because he is a Christian, I expect at least common courtesy and decency, but instead, I'm left to feel like my first serious boyfriend has just started to avoid me for no reason at all.

The sad part is that I am desperate.  This is our first month with no extra paycheck, and to everyone's surprise (I'm sure), EDD is in no hurry to determine my eligibility for unemployment.  Just tack a $411.88 bill to the Vet onto the budget that was already over by $400, and you may know why I'm a little crazy.  My cheese is slipping off my cracker in a Titanic fashion.

It makes it really hard to find inspiration.  I know that I get way too much of my worth from work.  What I don't know is what to do with that information in the absence of my job.  Right now, I feel like I have no purpose, and I know that is not God's plan for my life.  The Bible says "...Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah)..." - Colossians 3: 23-24  (  Here's where I have the problem and  maybe I have sold my family too short.  I guess I need to try to remember this verse and concept when the house I clean gets turned upside down in minutes, the food I make gets little praise, and there is no pay.  Is this the key to how I rest in The Lord?  Will this bring satisfaction to my life?  It's worth a try.  I have a huge house to clean.  Hmm.

So tomorrow I move forward, shamed, embarassed, disappointed in my fellow Christian, unemployed and uninspired...besides, my awesome blog would go bye-bye if I got a job, and apparently, "Heaven Forbids!"

Monday, August 8, 2011


Refreshing is probably the best way of describing my last three weeks. But people really, it was no vacation!  It was the closest I will get to a vacation, and by all means I enjoyed almost every minute of it, but I was W-O-R-K-I-N-G!  Stepping onto campus as a student though was exhilarating.  I came across a quote that said, "The difficulties of Democracy are the opportunities of education."  I haven't googled it, but I'm sure it was someone important, considering they had it on a building.  Immediately I felt excited about being a student again.

Thankfully my Green Team all gelled pretty quickly.  We all represent a variety of experience and come from a variety of states.  I was both inspired and disheartened by the skills of various people in my cohort, but the best thing about it was that nobody was arrogant about their skills, and we really all brought something valuable to our group.

Our days were filled with classes.  Because I have my BA in Drama, some of the knowledge and skills were review, but I also learned a lot of great new things.  I took the most from sound and lighting, mainly because I used to operate on a pretty basic level when I produced shows in my former schools.  If they could be heard and seen, and the audience was not bored before the show and during long scene changes, then I had succeeded.  So what I learned this summer will already improve productions by 50%. 

We also had a course in stage management, which was a huge resource when working in educational theatre at the high school level.  I have had some great stage managers in the past, but they could have been so much more well rounded with the resources I have now.  In scenic and costuming, I learned new tricks and skills for drafting/rendering, but more importantly I was inspired.  Before leaving I sent a scale model with no furniture in it, because I had no clue how to make 1/4 inch scale furniture.  The model I returned with actually looks like more than a white box with stairs.

There is so much more, but I want to get to the poignant part.  Sooooo, three weeks, I can count as inspired.  I am so grateful that my husband let me do this; so thankful that the director of the program let me enter after telling him about losing my last job, and of course, so grateful to God that He took me in this direction.

Finishing this up I am actually a week out from returning home.  I am waiting to hear about a job with Fresno Christian Schools.  This is also the first month of living on one paycheck.  It's only the eighth, and I keep wavering between peace and worry.  The boys need back to school stuff, but that is my biggest worry right now.  My other struggle is the question that if I don't get this job, what next?  I have 5 sizeable projects to complete before returning to Oregon next summer, but other than that I have the home to take care of...hmm.  Sure there's plenty to do, but I where would I start?  I also have images of beginning my work out kick again.  You never really see yourself as others do until you see yourself in pictures.  Bleck!  I don't know.  I'm really hoping for the job.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Where do I begin?

Where do I begin?  I have been teaching in California for 10 years, and I have taught English, Drama, Choir, Algebra, Spanish, Bible, History, and I have been an Activities Director.  Now, once again, I am unemployed and uninspired and jobs are scarce and very competetive, especially when you are geographically tied down.

My husband has been teaching at the same school in the Central Valley of California for 11 years, so uprooting to move where there are more jobs during these difficult times is almost unimaginable.

So everyday, I check the premier website for educational job postings, I search the three contiguous counties for jobs and I hope for the best while preparing for the worst.  The worst being unemployment when the school year begins.  See I'm one of those people who needs to be doing something...AT ALL TIMES!  I always have been, and most likely always will be.  I have been interested in almost everything that life has to offer, with too many passions to nail down.  So the big question in my life is where these passions will lead.

So last night as I was praying, thinking of what my next move should be, and trying to fall asleep, I thought of this blog.  Of course I thought of a "Julie and Julia" approach, but I'm not ready for that type of commitment, and I want to be original.  To be clear, I am not writing this, because  I think it will be especially appealing to readers, but I am writing this more as a tool, to help me move into whatever the future holds.  Consider it my diary that has been unlocked for any and all to see.

You can expect to see a lot of variety, a lot of lamenting, and hopefully, at least at points, a woman finding clarity, purpose and inspiration.  My blogs will be peppered with Christian insight, and verses, as well as comments that may leave you wondering if I'm really a Christian at all, but that is my fault, not God's.

So today is The Fourth of July, and I am officially declaring my independence from helplessness.  At the end of this journey I will be employed and inspired and so much more. 

Exploration number one begins this Friday, as I journey to Oregon to begin my Master's Degree in Theatre Studies with Southern Oregon University and Oregon Shakespeare Festival.  I am excited yet apprehensive about investing anymore time and money into a career in education, but the experience itself, should provide a lot of inspiration and insight.

Ciao for now,